Quickie 18/12

Islamic fundamentalists don't trust written or tape recorded messages, hence instead deliver all secret communications by human messenger...usually still set to self-destruct within ten seconds...

Quickie 17/12

My next door neighbour is what you'd call easy...If I had a pound for every time she sucked me off...well that would be me breaking even...

Quickie 14/12

The 100 Most Influential Women of All Time: A Ranking Past and Present - Carol Publishing Group (1995), has both Joan of Arc and Princess Diana listed as having huge impact on a world scale.

Diana famously lived her life "like a candle in the wind" , whereas Joan ended her life...like "a candle"...

Quickie 13/12

A story in the Record yesterday reported that a man spent 4 days trapped in a toilet.

That's nothing - my gran's been living in Dundee for the past 50 years...

My Daemon...

So I went to see the Golden Compass last week as I really enjoyed Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy. I didn't think the film was really up to much - but being a dead beat student I have plenty of time to surf the web and play around on official movie web-sites...as a result I was able to see what my daemon would look like...and here it is...



Now I have already written a joke today - so this post contains none...but let me know what you think - I had no idea where else to post this!

Quickie 12/12

So scientists from across the pond think they have found evidence that girls really aren't as good at maths as boys.

I could have told you this myself - my girlfriend routinely thinks that if she has £63 in her bank account then she is able to buy 3 pairs of £90 shoes on her credit card...

Quickie 11/12

I recently spent 3 weeks in hospital after confronting a knife-weilding robber with only a drawing pin.

There's absolutely no truth in the saying, "The best means of defence is attack"...

Quickie 10/12

I find travelling by train pretty stressful. The last time I got the train through to Edinburgh I had a really embarrasing moment when I ordered a cup of tea and a kit-kat from the trolley, to then find I only had a twenty in my wallet...I had to put the kit-kat back...

Quickie 07/12

So it turns out John Darwin, the man believed to have been killed in a boating accident many years ago is, in fact, alive and well.

Let's hope this doesn't turn into a trend...I really can't face listening to a new Kirsty MacColl album over the Christams period...

Quickie 06/12

Footballer Kiegan Parker was thrown out of a brothel at the weekend for eating chips.

This seems unfair as surely this is the perfect accompaniment to the fish taste he had acquired after a half hour with employee Cheryl...

Quickie 05/12

Gordon Ramsey has caused controversy again on his programme Hell's Kitchen after referring to staff as a "fucking handicapped brigade".

Disabled rights activists have been appalled with the comment, saying it was completely unjustified.

What the cameras didn't show however, was the previous footage of the sous chef licking the windows while the apprentices ate the chalk used for marking up the specials...

So...back to blogging

Had a bit of a break from updating this site recently - due to the fact I moved out the family home and have only just got broadband in the flat. When I say "only just", what I mean is that I have had it for a week, but have used it for more important things such as getting up to date with Heroes...

Anyway, hope you guys are all well and hopefully I'll hit out with some stuff that will make you laugh.

Andy