Fascinating Returns (12A)

And so after a long spell in the wilderness – my blog has returned. (Did you see what I did with the title? Similar to Batman Returns? No, of course you didn’t, it was far too contrived).

I am at odds on whether to try and back-date all the entries I have missed or whether just to start afresh, although this would mean some of the hilarious moments over the past six weeks will be lost forever…we shall see what happens.

So what’s been happening since my last post? A fuck-load actually!

I’ve been busy gigging recently, doing a load of new material, so I’ll let you know how that’s been going in the coming entries.

Regular readers will know that I enjoy my TV and it had been my intention to write about what’s currently being screened on the box. But one thing has put paid to that…fucking Wimbledon.

I hate Wimbledon.

I have been down once before and I basically spent the whole day praying that it wouldn’t rain. Not because I wanted to see any tennis (which I hate), it was because I hate Cliff Richard even fucking more.

I guess the main reason Wimbledon pisses me off so much is that it is home for a month to the biggest group of moronic idiots, wearing Union Jack apparel and talking of nothing but Tim Henman (Britain’s biggest failure since the 1665 attempt at a cure for the plague).

All the attractive young women down there absolutely love him – which has always puzzled me as I imagine sex with him would be terrible, seeing as he can never get past a semi…

So with television pretty much out of action until the tennis nonsense is over, I have been spending more time watching movies and reading film magazines, which leads me to my next topic…

Possibly, the greatest news is that Indianna Jones IV is in production. For me, this has been a longer, more anticipated wait than that of a small African village waiting for the next Red Cross delivery.

The fourth film intrigues me a lot as I do not know anything of the plot. In the first film they had the Ark of the Covenant, the second had the Sacred Stones, the third was the Holy Grail and now, in this film, it’s Harrison Ford that’s the ancient relic.

...And yes…the reason for this resurgence in blogging is Mark Nelson called me a tool…which I am not…I’ll show him…