New Steve & Dave

Click the image to enlarge

There is a new Steve & Dave posted every Saturday, so be sure to check back.

To see previous Steve & Dave strips click on the label at the bottom of the post.

Steve & Dave

Click the image to enlarge

There is a new Steve & Dave posted every Saturday, so be sure to check back.

To see previous Steve & Dave strips click on the label at the bottom of the post.

New Steve & Dave

New Steve & Dave Part 5...

Click on the above image to see it full size.

Remeber a new Steve & Dave will be posted every Saturday - so please check back in the future.

Also, click the underlined Steve & Dave link at the bottom of this post to see all previous Steve & Dave strips.

New Steve & Dave

Today's Steve & Dave

Click in the above image to see it full size

Remeber that a new Steve & Dave will be released every Saturday.

To see all the Steve & Dave's click on the underlined 'Steve & Dave' link at the bottom of this post.

New Steve & Dave

Today's Steve & Dave,

Click on the above image to see it full size.

The reason Dave is late will be revealed in next week's strip - so check back!

To see all the Steve & Dave's click on the underlined 'Steve & Dave' link at the bottom of this post.

New Steve & Dave

'Steve & Dave' is continued with The New Steve & Dave Part II.

Hope you enjoy, feel free to let me know what you think in the comments box.




Click on the above image to see it full size.

Saturday can be renamed 'Steve&Daveday'

Last night I was gigging at Georgics for Purple Comedy Live. It was a real mixed-bag of a show, but a lovely audience and I had a fun time. I’m told the whole show will be available for download from the Purple Comedy site, so I’ll post the details when everything’s ready.

Tonight, I’m supporting Mark Nelson in his 1-man show: ‘Lowering The Tone’. It sold-out about 3 weeks ago and is going to be packed. Lots of pressure, but I’m really looking forward to it.

On a non-comedy festival note, over the past week, I have had several e-mails and people commenting to me about ‘Steve & Dave’. As a result, I am bowing to peer pressure and bringing them back. Every Saturday there will now be a new ‘Steve & Dave’.

So, to welcome them back…

Using the Navbar

I used the “Next Blog” function on the NavBar today and went surfing around the great and good of the blogger world.

While I found some blogs that were interesting and some that were funny, most blogs are terrible.

When I say terrible, I mean, of no interest, poorly written and with either no use of punctuation or an overuse that is ridiculous! For instance, eight exclamation marks in a row and using tilde’s (~ that symbol) as some sort of decoration as opposed to the grapheme that we all know it to be…One of the blogs I came across had the excellent entry…

“~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TODAY I WENT TO THE MALL :))))) TIM CALLED MY FRIEND JENNY FAT :(((((( HE IS HORRIBLE!!??!!??!! WE HATE TIM!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~”

15 year old girls should be banned from having control of any webspace. No exceptions.

I really have nothing more to say…

Oh, except I looked at the pictures attached on that blog and Jenny is fat. On the issue of whether Tim is horrible or not, I cannot comment.

Well, we have come to the end of the run of Steve & Dave. I really hope you have enjoyed them. Thanks to everyone who’s commented, e-mailed me or spoken to me about my comic creation. Please keep the feedback coming! Here is Steve & Dave (Part VIII), an extra-large, Sunday Special.

The difference between jokes and blogs

I was discussing with a comedian friend the other day that some jokes are so easy they basically write themselves. I wonder if the same is true for blog entries...

...Obviously not....

Here is Steve & Dave (Part VII). As tomorrow will be the end of the run - and as it's a Sunday - there will be an extra special, longer Steve & Dave, so please be sure to check back for that!

It's all about Crufts

So it was the final of Crufts at the weekend and I include a photograph of the overall winner, a Tibetan Terrier.

Now it did not surprise me to learn that such a well manicured dog was owned by a male homosexual couple (yes, even I am not above making reference to the easier sexual stereotypes). However, with the knowledge of the wee mutt’s gay owners, what I was not prepared for was the dog’s kennel name of “Fabulous Willy”…These two guys really have a sense of humour and my hat goes off to them.

On other pet-related issues, a friend’s cat died yesterday and I am told we are going out this weekend to toast it…I thought there might have been pet crematoriums for these things, but obviously not.*

I woke up this morning after having been out drinking last night with my friend Nick. I realise now I just can’t keep up with him when it comes to drinking Stella and I should probably never try to again.

Not only was I drunk enough to eat a donner kebab on the way home…but I woke up this morning to find I had placed the half-eaten remnants in the fridge.

Why I thought I would want to eat this at a later stage I have absolutely no idea. Possibly I thought I would have it for breakfast today instead of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes…how shameful…

So here we have Steve & Dave (Part VI)



[*My thanks to Kirsty for that gag :c)]

Lost...yes I am a liitle...

While writing today’s entry, I am currently waiting for the next episode of “Lost” to finish downloading. For those of you that saw the last episode (S03E11) did it surprise anyone else that The Hub’s main defence system involved having to beat a computer at chess before being allowed to send a distress signal/initiate the building’s self-destruct sequence?

At what stage did designers think this was a practical idea?

The main point of a self destruct function is that it is a last resort when you have been attacked and your fortress has been breached. It is used when all is basically lost and you have no time to formulate a defence plan.

So with the knowledge that you don’t even have time to come up with a plan, the best method of initiating such a self-destruct sequence would be to sit at a computer and play chess?

Surely I am not the only one to see the flawed logic here?

For instance, even if you manage to get your colleagues to keep the enemy back from the main computer, what if you do not win your first game? It surely may take several attempts before you emerge victorious. In a real-time war scenario, this just wouldn’t be practical.

Also, we all remember the moment that an IBM program outwitted the greatest chess player in the world – so, how would the random soldier or inhabitant of the house be able to compete with this level of masterclass?

What if your enemies happen to be very good at chess?

This means they can crack your codes straight away and be privy to all your top-secret information…I like to think this is the only reason Britain did not use “the chess defence” during the Cold War.

And finally, what was wrong with the idea of a 4-digit pin-code?

Even if it was forgotten, there surely could be a reset function? And to combat hackers there could be some sort of “3 incorrect attempts and we swallow your card” procedure.

But no…chess it is…

In the end, what I am worried of, is the fact that television shows in particular, have such an influence on everyday life. There are so many examples of ideas and scenarios from TV being recreated in the world around us…

All I’m saying is, just don’t be surprised when faced with a game of spider solitaire the next time you go to withdraw money from a cashline…

We're at the halfway stage with Steve & Dave...savour them while they last...

What's in a name?

I was pointed in the direction of this link, The First Names Given To Babies in Scotland, 2006, by a fellow comedian, Quentin Reynolds (from Airdrie) and felt it was just too full of unintentional comedy not to mention on this blog.

This blog entry could be absolutely massive if I went through all the names stupid enough to deserve a ridiculing, so instead I will hold myself back and only mention a random few (though these few are very very good)...

Firstly, the very first name on the very first page is “A”. Some poor child, somewhere, has only one letter for their first name…And it must not be as stupid as I first thought, as there were 2 kids with the name “A” last year! My first thought was that maybe the A stood for something, however, when thinking about it, it could simply be the indefinite article, for instance, A Wilson instead of THE Wilson.

Glancing quickly down the list, there are many examples of films influencing parents’ choices…an obvious homage to Mr. Day-Lewis with the name "Daniel-Lewis" but even funnier is the complete lack of subtlety shown by the parents of"Brandon-Lee"...Also, I wonder if "Storm's" siblings are called Night-Crawler and Gambit.

I also find it weird how there are only 69 Peters, yet Aiden (in all its different guises) has 513...I really like how this name can be spelled any bloody way you want, however surely the 1 "Aidian" is the result of a dyslexic secretary in the Birth Certificate Office...

…But, possibly the best name out the lot...

..."Skye-Destiny"...

...it sounds like some tv channel that isn't available to those on Virgin Media.

If you have a look at the list, please do leave a comment on any of the crazy names you come across.

Meanwhile, here is Steve & Dave (Part IV)...this is one of my favourites...

Do we really love DQ?

I have just recently found out my timetable for the current semester at University. Not only am I in at 9am every morning (we shall see about that…) but even worse I seem to be in uni at all times that Columbo may be shown on day-time television! Be that Channel 5, Hallmark or even UKTV! Now, I know I own the first 5 seasons on DVD and if I wanted to watch Columbo I could do it whenever the hell I wanted to – but this is not the point.

I am sure everyone is guilty of watching a film they own on DVD and had no intention of watching for a good few years – just because it was on the telly (I know some people like to spell it “tele” as it is the beginning of the longer word “television” – however I prefer this way as it is also a silent homage to the late Kojak actor Mr. Savalas).

Following on from yesterday’s post about my visit to BOX on Sunday night, while we were there, Chris and I were persuaded to hold a sign saying “I Love DQ…” (DQ being the resident DJ on a Sunday night) and have our photo taken.

At first I was sceptical, however he played all the requests I had…David Bowie - Life on Mars, The Jam - Eton Rifles, The Darkness - Growing On Me, REM -The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite…

So in all fairness, it can be said, that “I really really like DQ”… (love is just a wee bit too gay…plus, he didn’t have any Tom Petty…)

Next Monday, having been at BOX the previous night, if my post starts with the words “I love DQ”, it will be because

a) He played Tom Petty (anthology from start to finish)
b) He played Phil Collins (Something I don’t think any DJ is brave enough to do in a Glasgow pub)
c) He murdered that annoying little jake that stands on Sauchiehall Street and begs for money…

In all fairness c) is actually probably more likely to happen than b).

The murder of a homeless man certainly wouldn’t create as much uproar in a city-centre Glasgow club as the resultant chaos a quick rendition of “I Wish It Would Rain Down” would cause…

...And people wonder where Glasgow gets its bad image for booze and violence from…

Here is Steve & Dave Part III (check back tomorrow, part IV is a classic...if I do say so myself...)

Car Alarms on Sauchiehall Street

Today I woke up with a cracking hangover – not “cracking” in the sense of an excellent hangover that I enjoyed, more “cracking” in the sense that it was a hangover of extremes that gave my brain the indication my head may have actually been cracking into separate pieces.

The reason for this, of course, was a long weekend at the Glasgow Comedy Festival followed by a night out, spent drinking at The Box in Glasgow.

Just outside the front door to the pub, there was a red Honda whose alarm constantly kept going off (or on, depending how you look at it). It was incredibly irritating, but no one seemed to give it a second glance as it had been doing it all night.

What a perfect time to break into a car.

Now if I was of the persuasion that stealing car radios was an acceptable hobby, this would have been the best cover ever to break into this Honda and take whatever I liked, as it was clear the owner didn’t give a damn that the alarm was constantly going off.

Then another thought struck me…What if for instance there was a kidnap victim in the boot and every time they attempted to cry for help, the alarm went off drowning out there cries for help…Or perhaps the alarm was intentionally set off to warn passers by not to get too close (the reasons for this are far too vast to expand on here)…

Then another thought struck me…I think too much.

So I went back inside, had another pint and asked the DJ to play The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight…which he did…awesome…

Chris was with me for all of this, and probably will write a completely different account of it in his blog…Obviously my account is the correct version, as it was written first. The end.

I include at the bottom of today’s entry Steve & Dave, Part II, hope you like…

Laurie's & Blackfriars

Well last night was a crazy night of extremes when it came to my shows at the Glasgow Comedy Festival.

The first gig at Laurie’s went superbly, I don’t see how it would have been possible to get any more laughs than I did…The second gig, Late & Live at Blackfriars, went terribly, I don’t see how it would have been possible to get any less laughs than I did…

And such is the magic of Stand-Up comedy, as soon as you think you’ve cracked it, you are returned mercilessly back to earth with a huge bump.

Especially frustrating, as the promoter (the guy who books the acts) was at the second gig, but not the first. This seems to always be the case when it comes to this particular promoter - to give you an analogy, it is like doing consistently good hard work for the past few months but then always fucking things up when the boss is in the room...

After talking to an audience member after the show, she said she couldn't imagine a more difficult or stressful job than being a stand-up comic. It turns out she was a medical student.

Now if I have a bad day at the office, I maybe have had to work for 20mins and I feel a bit crap that I wasn't as funny as I know I can be. I go home and watch Monk before I fall asleep...on the other hand, a doctor works 5 days a week, 10 hours a day and if a doctor fucks up - someone dies and there can be lawsuits a plenty...I know which one I consider to be the easier gig...

So today, I have nothing to do at all. I’ve just watched Columbo: Death Hits The Jackpot on the Hallmark channel and there will be another episode at 4pm…happy days! Definitely the perfect cure for recovering after a late night the night before.

With today’s entry I am including the first in a series of comic strips I created called ‘Steve & Dave’. The inspiration for this came about as a friend of mine used to draw detailed and quite interesting comics and as a result, I thought I’d have a go.

Unfortunately, I don’t quite have the skills in the art department to create the conventional comic, so what we have instead is…well, it’s my work Steve & Dave. I’ll post one a day for the 8 day run it is going to have…I hope you enjoy...