Smoking is cool...

Most of my friends these days know me as a smoker – or at least used to, considering I gave up last year. The idea of me without a cigarette was like Charlie Chaplin without the moustache (this was originally written as ‘Hitler’ without the moustache – but I changed it thinking that – although a better image, it could be deemed offensive even making reference to someone who was THAT BAD at art…), Superman without the cape – or Steven Hawking without the wheels – my point, it was a shock when I gave up.

Now almost 9 months on (my girlfriend could have had a baby in this time! – If my sperm count wasn’t so obliterated…) I can look back on my years as a heavy smoker and tell you honestly the benefits.

1. “I feel fitter” – Can’t say I do really, I eat more now and still don’t do any regular exercise…we will work on this…

2. “I have more money” – Yes. This one is fact – I am definitely enjoying the benefits of not spending all my spare cash on fags

3. “I can look down on other people and pretend I am better than them” – Oh yes, the excellent and widely practiced hobby of the non-smoker – I never realised horses were this high! (Possibly because I imagined jockeys to be smaller – I had the proportion thing all wrong…)

Basically my point is this – I am glad I’ve been able to chuck the habit as most of the myths about why people smoke are just that – total myths…except one…

Just as well I’m not famous – because people won’t like this, but smoking is cool….

I will say it again in case you didn’t catch it (utterly pointless as you could just reread the previous sentence for clarity, but nonetheless we have come thus far) SMOKING IS COOL. In fact it is probably the single most coolest thing I have ever done.

My reasoning is this…When I smoked, and I smoked a lot, being a student, I was constantly broke. I could barely afford travel every day – and lunch was a bonus as the money usually went on 20 B&H. Since I have given up, the money situation is excellent! I have cleared my overdraft and can buy whatever I want.

What have I done with the money I have saved…I just spent £120 on the Complete Babylon 5 DVDs and not long before that £70 on Star Trek…possibly the SADDEST, most geeky thing anyone could ever do…but also something I never could have done while being a smoker…thus I am significantly LESS cool now than I was when I smoked…FACT…Even the most anti-smoking person on the planet couldn’t disagree with that…

So remember…Smoking keeps you cool kids…Smoke long and prosper…